A Quick Reminder Of What Bush Has Done For Civil Liberties

FOR SALE:

One set of civil liberties, circa 1789.

These civil liberties were virtually untouched for over 200 years! You won't find a better set of freedoms anywhere on eBay! Religious freedom, freedom of speech, freedom of association - it's all here in this beautifully-preserved set of civil liberties.

42 previous custodians, all of whom, with one notable exception in 1973, took great care of these liberties. Current guardian has no use for them any more, and is prepared to listen to any offers.

The set is sadly no longer complete, since the right to a fair trial was recently sold by John Ashcroft to a Mr Juan Tanamobay. Also, the right to conduct your affairs without the government listening in has been removed from this auction after a separate bid by the NSA was accepted.

Some other liberties have been badly damaged over the last five years - the right to live free of cruel and unusual punishment is still valid in the USA, for the most part, but unfortunately the seller can no longer guarantee that this liberty will be accepted abroad.

Also, Habeas Corpus appears to be missing - an exhaustive search in the attic and under the bed has not turned anything up. However, the right to vote is still acceptable in most parts of the country where white-skinned people abode. (Note - seller reserves the right to remove and present to the Diebold Corporation before the auction ends.)

These liberties come free of any Geneva Convention restrictions whatsoever! Although originally bound by world opinion and law, they have recently been sprayed with a natural solvent that completely eliminated all ties to any international treaties.

You can do anything you like with these civil liberties! Ideal for the collector, or simply for someone who wants to make a fat profit selling them off piecemeal to the Saudis!

Also available: a pristine Expression of Righteous Indignation, which can be used on China, Cuba, Russia etc any time you need to take the focus off your own terrible record on human rights.

For more information, send $10 and a phone number at which you can be wiretapped to Alberto Gonzales, c/o The Bush Legacy, White House, Pennsylvania Ave., Washington D.C.